Husband
Request Responses
October/05/2009 01:39 PM Filed in: Humor | Moms | Fun | Family | Husbands | Satire | Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star
by Nicole Hanratty
Over the years, I have learned that a wife and mother's job description really knows no boundaries. Whether it is wiping tushies, refilling kleenex boxes, cleaning up trails of vomit, making costumes, baking cookies, selling raffle tickets, purchasing gifts for random strangers or driving from here to Chicago in search of the right sport shoes, there seems to be no limit of what my loved ones will request of me after they spout the word "Honey" or "Mom."
Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change hearing these terms of endearment for anything else in the world. It is the dragged out slow question forming ending to the word "Honey" and "Mom" that gives me pause. Here it comes, what will they ask of me next? Read More...
"How To" Refill the Soap Dispenser
by Nicole Hanratty
It's tricky, I know. You actually have to pull the top off of the soap dispenser to squirt more liquid inside. It takes a bit of effort but the rewards are spectacular! Once you replace the lid--Voila!--one press produces enough soap to wash a sink full of dishes.
Just follow three easy steps: 1) Remove top. 2) Pour more soap inside the container--we keep the refill bottle under the kitchen sink--and leave an inch or so of space on top. 3) Slide the pump back inside. Read More...
Fated Nursemaid
January/26/2009 12:54 PM Filed in: Husbands | Sick | Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star | Humor | Satire | Family
by Nicole Hanratty
Before 8 am my fate was clear. With both husband and child home sick, it was evident I would spend the day playing nursemaid.
By midnight last night, with coughing echoing throughout every corner of my house, I knew that my Monday morning routine would never see daylight. My usual route which runs like clockwork every week, (two plus grocery stores, the car wash, the drug store, the dry cleaner, the gas station, the bank, and Coffee Bean), was cancelled. Call my vendors, I’m a no-show today. Read More...
The Tool Rule
October/27/2008 04:59 PM Filed in: Husbands | Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star | Helping | Projects
by Nicole Hanratty
I was alone. I was handling it. It was all going perfect until...my husband came home.
The dog needed a little rug to lie on outside in the back yard while she sunbathes during the day. I found a scrap of new carpeting in the garage to place outside the door and was in the midst of cutting it down to her little size. Read More...
Bernanke On Main Street
October/01/2008 02:50 PM Filed in: Satire | Humor | Life of a Rock Star | Nicole Hanratty | Main Street | Husbands
by Nicole Hanratty
Last Sunday, in an unpredictable turn of events, a Main Street Mom--inspired by none other than Ben Bernanke himself--took over the Command Control Remote in an historic move to seize the malfunctioning operating system and restore a sense of confidence in its ability to proceed fairly.
The acquired asset catapulted her into the position of “Couch Commander,” and there was nothing anyone--not even the House of Representatives--could do to salvage the situation or bail Main Street out of this crisis. Read More...
Sensor Wife
September/05/2008 02:31 PM Filed in: Husbands | Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star | Humor | Satire
by Nicole Hanratty
Welcome to my morning.
As my husband and I stand in line one after the other waiting to fill our own coffee cups with fresh pressed coffee from my favorite appliance in the house, (our Miele cup by cup coffee maker that turns out six different flavors--decaf and regular--cappuccinos and espressos), I turned the dial to make my own personally programmed favorite cup of coffee.
My husband stands behind me, empty mug in hand, and asks, “Is the coffee maker actually still programmed for all of the different types of coffee capsules that are in it?”
“Of course,” Miss Organized informs. Read More...
20 Year Reunion Crashers
August/08/2008 02:04 PM Filed in: Reunion | Events | Life of a Rock Star | Nicole Hanratty | Humor | Satire
Kristen Antillon, Heather Lipari and
NicoleHanratty,
20-Year Reunion Crashers
by Nicole Hanratty
Chatsworth High School Class of 1988 had their twenty-year high school reunion last Saturday night and yours truly was among the younger classman who crashed in on it.
How could I resist?
No. 1 My sister, who so lovingly toted her younger sister out and about with her to all of the fun parties, was in that class. I couldn’t miss seeing all those older boys I hung out with while avoiding the less cool guys my own age and her fun loving girlfriends who never left me out of the joke. Read More...
Dog Flight
June/30/2008 01:48 PM Filed in: Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star | Family | Satire | Dogs | Humor | Travel
by Nicole Hanratty
Family vacations are always fun! They really bring out the best in marriages. Find me a couple traveling with children and I’ll show you a husband and wife who are bickering over the responsibilities that go along with it. Throw a dog into the traveling mix and I’ll show you an all out battle.
Were it not against all laws of matrimony, the picture above would be of my loving husband asleep with his mouth wide open sitting on the plane totally oblivious to the world around him. Which brings me to the nice man who was, unfortunately for him, seated next to me and left to fill my hubby’s sleeping shoes. Read More...
Promotion At Work
June/23/2008 01:42 PM Filed in: Cleaning | Husbands | Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star | Humor | Satire
by Nicole Hanratty
Dear all of my Rock Star friends,
I have such exciting news and I want to share it with all of my readers first! Rest assured that you are the first to read it, hear it and know it...
Yours truly has received a promotion! I am now and here forward the President of Household Operations of the Hanratty Residence! Read More...
Bedtime Routines
May/15/2008 12:43 PM Filed in: Dogs | Bedtime | Nicole Hanratty | Husbands | Life of a Rock Star | Humor | Satire
by Nicole Hanratty
Ah, bedtime routines. They're not just for newborns...we all have them. In fact, through adulthood, many of us rely upon them to fall asleep and some of us simply can't operate without them.
In my house, I believe that our bedtime routines are so vital that they actually directly affect the cosmic pull of the earth's rotation. I am so superstitious about all of these Ground Hog Day things happening over and over again that I wait for them, watch for them and then, BAM! When they happen, I check them off my list one by one and am slowly reassured that all is right with the world... Read More...
Charity Function Mayhem
by Nicole Hanratty
What could be more fun at a charity function than observing the “haves” put it all on the line for the “have-nots”? It’s certainly amusing to watch how the grown-ups behave when they get a night out to play...
What might you notice? Here’s my top ten checklist that hits the mark every time: Read More...
The Dodgers are Going All the Way
The Dodgers Are Going
All the Way This Year...
by Nicole Hanratty
The Dodgers beat the Pittsburgh Pirates last Wednesday night 8 to 1. (Here’s the whole scoop.)
It was the first Dodger game we attended this season and we loved every minute of it! First stop, new hat purchase. Second stop, Dodger Dogs. Third stop, the best seats in the house - compliments of my husband’s client. Read More...
Lysol Queen Goes Crazy
February/21/2008 05:28 PM Filed in: Cleaning | Satire | Humor | Nicole Hanratty | Life of a Rock Star | Sick
by Nicole Hanratty
Tonight on the eleven o’clock news... After a brutal flu season, a local mother starts out with the intent of sanitizing her home but “allegedly” the fumes go to her head.
(cue music) Good evening everyone!
They’re calling her the “Lysol Queen.” Officers said when they arrived at her home last night the woman admitted to “Lysol”ing her house non-stop for twelve hours straight.
It started with the couch that her husband had been attached to for four days, then she moved on to door knobs, bathroom fixtures, kitchen appliance handles and she couldn’t bring herself to stop. Read More...
Lunch, Anyone?
by Nicole Hanratty
As I rifle through the laundry basket over-loaded with dirty clothes (clothes: |klō(ð
z| cotton items my husband forgot how to wash the day we said “I do&rdquo, I wish upon my ironing board for a day of luxurious retreat.S'il vous plaît aidez moi! Someone needs a day of sitting without demands!
Hmmm... Lunch anyone?
Needed: Co-conspiratorial indulgent women up for a mindless afternoon! No thinking required. Read More...
